3:49 p.m. - 2006-04-11
You Look Pretty
I don't, but that's what a fortune I got in a recent fortune cookie told me. Not the ancient Chinese predictor of my future that I was looking for, but hey -- it's the best thing a cookie ever told me. I have it pinned up on the bulletin board near my desk, and I just caught a glimpse of it. It made me smile. What girl or fancy boy doesn't want to hear that from time to time? In fact, that's what I told a girlfriend over the weekend, after she recounted a story about trouble in paradise with her boyfriend and I had no other sound advice for her. I think it helped.
But I'm feeling decidely hideous lately, thanks to my ballooning stomach and all the other unsightly and unfeminine side effects of excess estrogen and progesterone. In no particular order, the Top 10 Things I Am Sick of About This Pregnancy:
10. Having to blow my nose six times a day because of increased mucus production, and shooting out bloody snot rockets the size of a quarter each time. (God, I wish I were making that up.)
9. Digestive distress: that covers everything you can think of, including nausea, bloating, indigestion, belching, and oh God, farting (one saving grace is that this, thankfully, hasn't included hemmorhoids. Yet.). I'm a 10-year-old boy's best playmate.
8. The jiggly mass where my defined waistline once sat.
7. Not being able to stay awake to watch anything longer than a commercial. I have no idea what's happening on American Idol these days.
6. See Number 10. (It's really, really gross.)
5. Coming to work each day in an unbearably grouchy frame of mind, hoping no one talks to me so I don't have to bite their head off.
4. Standing in front of my closet every morning for fifteen minutes at a clip, wondering what I can fit into that will accent my pregnancy, and not make me look like I've just been hitting the donuts extra hard lately.
3. My mother's constant chirping that she didn't gain anywhere near 7.5 pounds in her first trimester.
2. "Don't worry, your pregnancy will fly by!"
1. I'd give my right arm for a diet coke and a plate of sushi right about now.
Another fortune I have pinned up reads "A new wardrobe brings great joy and change to your life." Next time, I plan to test that theory out.
