1:57 p.m. - 2006-05-11
How To Annoy Me
1. Be the razor that I dropped in the shower this morning, somehow slicing off the nail of my left middle finger in such a haphazard and dangerous way that it's now a tiny, painful nub.
2. Be the birds that are living in the ceiling of my one-story office building. Hatch your young 'uns in there and then all fly around the building so I can be both freaked and sad that there's not much I can do to help.
3. Be one of the legions of employees that burn up my phone line with ridiculous questions. Especially be the one who is resigning after a week and asks our receptionist for me to call you back ASAP so you can ask me if I am aware that you are resigning.
4. Be our office receptionist and call me every fifteen minutes with a question about Fed Ex packages.
5. Be part of the American public in whom I have lost faith for voting Chris off of American Idol last night, and opting to keep screechy, can't-carry-a-tune Katharine, as well as Elliott, who looks like an inhabitant of Middle Earth.
6. Be my skin, which cannot go a single solitary day without producing a new prominent zit.
7. Be the vile Weight Watchers frozen pizza I ate for lunch.
8. Be my cleavage, which won't stay put inside my top today, and threatens to give a black eye to anyone who gets too close.
9. Just be yourself and in my presence.
Zit of the Day:
Today marks the start of a new feature, Zit of the Day, in which I give an insider's report about the newest zit to grace my face.
Today's zit is just under the surface on the lower left side of my face, just past my chin. It's nice and red, and though it doesn't feel too big, it's making quite a splash on my face.
