2:23 p.m. - 2006-07-06
Moving Right Along
I'm 25 weeks today, and honestly, I didn't picture myself making it this far.
A big part of me is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been this way all my life. Why I can't just be happy and joyful and believe that sometimes, I deserve good things, is beyond me. As positive as I like to think I am, in the back of my mind, I'm always waiting for the big black boot of the universe to come smash its heel on my good fortune. And I have no reason to believe this, because honestly, I lead a pretty charmed life. A-ha! But there's the rub: my twisted mind thinks this 32-year streak of happiness must run out some time. And it stands to reason, in my twisted mind, that the more I want something, the less likely I am to have it -- or the greater the chance that I will attain, and then lose, it. Sick, huh?
But despite my twisted mind (maybe that is "in spite of my twisted mind"), Pumpkin continues to thrive. We have roughly 15 more weeks of her in utero until she makes an appearance -- though I keep reminding myself that's an approximate. It could be 17 weeks, it could be 12 -- really, it's all up to her.
Her. She. My life revolves around this "she" whom I haven't yet met. I keep thinking of the phrase "she who must be obeyed," because it is so fitting -- she really, already, rules my life. She is becoming more real to me by the day. Her movements have increased in frequency and intensity, and Joe can actually hear her heartbeat by pressing his ear to my abdomen. At times, when she's feeling very feisty, I can watch my stomach twitch and roll over her.
At this point, she's probably nearly a foot long, and close to two pounds. I'm amazed (and slightly terrified) to think that she will be a full seven pounds (or thereabout) by the time I deliver her. That's about the size of Ginger, my cat. When she lets me, which is not often, I hold Ginger up near my stomach and try to picture something that size inside of me. But I keep picturing whiskers and a tail, too, so it's not giving me the most accurate idea of what to expect.
