4:34 p.m. - 2006-09-05
OMG, I Cannot Believe I'm Admitting This
Here's a story about something that happened a few weeks ago. I've debated about whether or not to share this, but it really is far too hilarious, not to mention appalling, to keep to myself.
Did you know that pregnant woman can start lactating in advance of delivering their babies? Go ahead and put me in that category. It's not a lot -- I couldn't be a wet nurse right now or anything -- but I notice a drop or two each night as I unchain myself from my bulletproof vest-sized maternity bra as I get ready for bed.
At first I wasn't entirely sure that THAT'S what it was, you know? I mean, I have never, ever had anything, um, secreted from that area before. And God knows, with pregnancy, you experience physical changes like you wouldn't believe almost daily. But really, what the hell else could it have been? I'd heard it could happen, and here it was, but I was still sort of in denial.
Until THAT morning. Pregnant women are also always hot, so lately I've been sleeping with no pj's. Yeah, yeah, in the nude... sorry if that's TMI. Anyway, on this particular morning, I must have been hanging out of the blankets a little bit, with said-lactating nipples exposed. Because what woke me up was not my alarm clock, or the sound of my husband stirring, or anything else in the realm of normal. No, what woke me up was my cat Anthony LICKING MY NIPPLE. Just one quick lick, and then he moved on to a nap or to scratch his ass or whatever else he does at that hour. But holy shit. I NURSED MY CAT.
Traumatized? Check. Wigged out? Yup. Unable to look my cat in the eye these days? Uh-huh.
Wearing pj's to bed? Yes.
