9:41 a.m. - 2006-10-11
Four Salamis
Had my first false alarm yesterday...
I started feeling what felt like bad menstrual cramps yesterday at work around 4:00. I've felt these on and off throughout the past few months, but these, while not quite regular, were coming more frequently than before, maybe every 15 minutes or so. And when I felt them, I could also feel my abdomen and stomach tighten up, leading me to believe that these were true contractions.
I tried not to get excited, but it persisted. They weren't coming any stronger or more frequently, but they weren't abating, either. I had dinner when I got home, and I was still having them. Had some ice cream later, and still had them. Watched part of the Tigers game, and still had them.
By about 9:00, I decided to start timing them, with a stopwatch and a notepad. At this point, they were coming more frequently -- about every 5 - 15 minutes. I was pretty sure I wasn't imagining things, but I was a little nervous that they weren't as painful as I had envisioned. Thinking that all my recent rectal trauma had perhaps reset my threshold for pain, I continued timing.
Around 11:00, I called my OB's office, and the doctor on call listened to my symptoms, but decided that they weren't coming regularly enough. She advised me to have a drink (I was hoping she meant gin, but was pretty sure she meant water) and lie down and try to sleep, and call back if I kept waking up with pain. I followed her advice, and went to bed, and then woke up this morning, still as pregnant as ever and feeling no more of those sensations.
It was what my dad would call "four salamis." I remember once when I was a kid, miserable with the stomach flu, my dad staying up with me, trying to get me through it all. We watched late night TV to get my mind off of things, but every once in a while, nausea would strike and I would go running down the hallway to the bathroom to throw up, only to dry heave instead. When I'd get back to the sofa, he'd ask, "Four salamis?" and explain that, because of thick accents, that's what "false alarm" would sound like coming out of the mouth of a Brooklyn native (I'm sure he meant my mother, but we weren't allowed to poke fun at her accent, an accent which refused to die, despite living in the deep south for 14 years).
So, other than my four salamis, I'm back to where I was yesterday. But the contractions must have rattled my brain: how else to explain the fact that I stopped at McDonald's for coffee, only to drive away with a bag containing a chicken biscuit, two hash browns, a box of cinnamon melts, and an orange juice? And that I wolfed it ALL down at my desk upon arriving at work, even though just two hours ago, I ate a healthy breakfast of bran cereal and banana at home? And that I'm still not overstuffed, and that eating four salamis right now actually sounds kind of good?
