12:50 p.m. - 2006-10-12
Acceptance
I've become more comfortable with the fact that I'm still pregnant. For God's sake, it's not like I'm overdue (yet). I still have one week before I can make that claim. But thankfully, a newfound sense of peace and acceptance has made its way into my scrambled brain, and I'm ok, not anxious. I know that this baby will come out when she's ready, and until then, I'll take it as a compliment that she finds Hotel Uterus to be a comfy and cozy place to hang out. I have a nice uterus! My friend Karly, due two days after me, and I have been riding the same wave of crazy emotions, and just today, we seem to have both settled into this Zen-like acceptance.
For some reason, the dates 12, 14 and 16 have stuck out in my mind as possible delivery dates. Since today's the 12th, I don't see that one happening, but I think I know why I'm stuck on the other two. The 14th is my dear friend Becky's birthday, and the 16th is the eighth anniversary of my Aunt Lucille's (about whom I've written before) death from breast cancer. As the day draws near, it becomes increasingly more apparent to me that the 16th could very well be the date of Pumpkin's birth. It would be a beautiful, karmic symbolic thing for Pumpkin to be born on that day, especially since my aunt is partly her namesake, and my aunt would have been absolutely ecstatic by her coming into the world. Also, it's three days before the actual due date (aka the arbitrary date the doctors throw out there for you to obsess about), and I was also born three days before my own due date.
If this all sounds incredibly flaky and new-agey, it probably is. I'm totally grasping at straws here, trying desperately to make sense of the situation, and finding ways to cope with the uncertainty and the anxiety and the helpless feeling of being utterly out of control about it all.
But the Zen-like acceptance thing I mentioned earlier? I've got it all going on.
